Lockdown - Too Much Family?

Posted on Jun 16, 2020 by Nidhi Agrawal (Co-founder, Director & Trainer)

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I hope by now no one is complaining that their spouse doesn't give them enough time. They are too busy with office and business. This is a common complaint heard especially from wives. In normal situations, we all needed holidays or weekends to have a much touted family time. God arranged this opportunity without our asking. It is human nature to rebel against anything enforced however appealing it may be. For many it is now a stranglehold. Others have zigzagged between both sides of the pendulum of peace & frustration and now settled in a vague bored neutrality. Some have taken reverse gear and now feel cumbersome going back to work again. But one thing is sure no one is complaining that they don't get family time.

We have entered the third month of the lockdown and the initial tolerant happy period of cooperation mixed with caution is slowly weaning off. People have become bolder and the cops are beginning to look the other way. There can be no doubt that quarantine or lockdown can be extremely stressful, confined to your homes round the clock, the constant fear of infection, the tedium, the monotony, boredom, lack of groceries and the fear of financial loss can drive people up the wall. Things you overlook in an ordinary day can seem unbearable when you are tied together for months. Many marriages are under strain and some new stories and developments are underway.

Ram Dass (Richard Alpert), a popular author devotee of Neem Karoli baba famously quipped, "If you think you are enlightened, go and spend a week with your family." Though he said that in jest but there is a deeper truth hidden in the words.

Paramhansa Yogananda once said that marriage between man and woman is for the purpose of each partner helping to uplift the other in a commitment of divine friendship, love, and loyalty that will move both souls closer to their true nature in the incarnation they share.

Marriage is meant for the self-controlled propagation of the species and for assisting one another to learn the selflessness of love in faithfulness, giving, and sharing; and for the advanced few, it is one means of soul union for liberation after finding the perfect love of God by intense spiritual discipline, sexual sublimation, and meditation.

There is always more potential to go deeper in a relationship. Marriages once beyond the physical attractions open up doors to unfold the deeper aspects of a mind and soul. Now, the bottom line is that we are all individuals and have our own unique thoughts and ideas and temperaments. We have to learn to respect each other's uniqueness and not try to impose our will on them. If we insist on our way, conflict can and will arise. All families argue. In fact, healthy arguments are expected, normal and occur in all relationships. But we must learn to overcome them and that's the key to surviving this lockdown and not only surviving it but coming out stronger and healthier.

The time available for a situation to spiral out of control is much more. It is far easier to get provoked into an argument. At the end of an argument, when you really sit down to analyse what triggered it, you find that it was your mood and it did not have anything to do at all with the other person's attitude or behaviour. Now what can be more ridiculous than that.

The first thing to understand is that this pandemic is not of our own making and that we have no control over the worldwide phenomenon. We must start perceiving this lockdown through a different lens…from one of imprisonment and captivity to one of togetherness and a God-given time to share, care and laugh with one another. When our children see us sailing through the crisis with calmness and ease, being sympathetic and considerate, sharing and caring with one another, we are providing them with great tools that will help them negotiate the great perils of life. They will understand that testing times test you but they are not insurmountable. This is the time to teach them life-lessons that no school can ever teach them. This is an opportunity that may never come your way again.

We at SOUL advocate five tips for you to adopt and we assure you that you will treat the lockdown as a God sent period to heal, to introspect and to rather enjoy.

Accept the situation: Don't resist it. You cannot change it because you did not make it. Look at fear in the eye with confidence and energy. You will see the fear melt away.

Learn how to co-exist: When staying confined at home, it is easy to get on each other's nerves. Give each other space. People will make mistakes and have expectations just like we all do.

Don't be judgmental: Understandably, the longer we know someone, sooner we start judging. Familiarity may beget contempt. That's the real challenge. If you succeed in that the battle is won. Chat, discuss, play, share work, daily chores of cooking and cleaning.

Show gratitude and be appreciative of all that the others are doing for you, even if it is allowing you to watch your favourite show, for the internet provider without whom no contacts would have been possible, for the hospital staffs, for the police who is manning the streets, for your trash collector everyday, for your local grocery store.

Renew your ties: People normally have a lack of time and remain stressed in life due to work pressures. In order to go deeper one needs intention as well as time to work on it. Now is the time. Explore, repair, revive, enrich and recalibrate the bonds of love. Find love in simpler things and all the nothings.Deepen your family bonds over meals that you cooked together, letting go off control and letting the others be themselves and by playing and praying together.

Remember, this opportunity is not going to come again anytime soon. When you become grandparents you are going to tell stories of 2020. The last time this happened was in 1920. You are born in an opportunistic time of lifelong experience. Make most of it with a smile!!